What value do I have?

 I had my third back surgery last Tuesday the 17th and now I am at home recovering.  When you have back surgery you come home with a very long list of things you cant do (which is about anything).  So for the past week I have had to rely on Jody and the kids to do almost everything around the house and for me.   As I have laid around and basically been useless I come face to face with the question of where do I get my validation or worth from.  I have realized that I get a lot of my sense of worth from my performance because as I laid in bed or on the couch I began to feel very useless.  When I felt I had nothing to offer Jody I saw myself as having no worth, I was simply another burden for Jody to bear.  Which brings me back to the whole grace thing.   Just when I think I am getting it I see that I have so far to go.  The truth is even at my best what I have to offer is not enough.  None of us can perform our way into salvation, it is only through the grace of God and the works of Jesus that I am saved and my worth comes from Him.  I have value (and so do you) because God says I have value.  God so valued us that He became man and died and rose for our sins.  So as I continue to recover my goal is to allow myself to heal and not try to think of ways to make me appear worthy.   That's not to say that I don't want to help out when I can, I just want to do it from a desire to ease Jody's load not to prove I have value.  I hope you realize just how valuable you are too.

Finding the trail.

Well I'm home from the hospital, the surgery went well and I should feel better in a few weeks.  People have been really good to us.  We have meals being brought to us, people are calling, texting and emailing me to check see how things are going.  God has been very faithful to us.  For a long time, I lost the trail on my journey and was wandering in the woods all alone.  As I begin my recovery my first task is to find the trailhead.  I want to reestablish my connection with God and what He has for me.  I want to look back at the story of my life and see it through Gods eyes and understand where he was during the times I felt so alone.    God is using the wreck as a way to show me His faithfulness.  From the very fact that I was not hurt worse in the accident to the blessing of getting a newer car and just the way people have surrounded us with love.  I thank you God for your faithfulness to me even when I was angry at you.

When God puts you in timeout

I was rear ended the day before thanksgiving.  Traffic was stopped on the interstate and the man comming up behind me in traffic did not realize it.  He was doing 50 mph when he hit the back of my car totaling it.  In the process it also ruptured a disk in my back and I will have surgery on Tuesday the 18th.  I will be out of work for 4 to 6 weeks at home recovering my health and I pray a deeper part of my heart.  While I believe God did not cause the accident I do believe he has taken this oppertunity to put me in "time out"  So now I have a choice, I can stay home and check out of life, distract myself with TV, the Wii or other thing or I can pursue God and what he has for me.  Like all of us I have areas in my life that I have chosen (out of fear and doubt in Gods heart towards me) hold back from Him.  I pray that I will take this time he has given to me and seek Him and allow Him to heal and restore me fully into the man He created me to be.