How I Forget

Over the holiday I received an early Christmas gift a new I pod. As I have played with it and learned how it works I have discovered the world of podcasting. Ransomed Heart now has podcasting available and they have placed a lot of good material there. I was listening this morning to the Sacred Romance conference that they did back in 02 and I was shocked at how much I have forgotten and forget on a daily basis. I get so caught up in the requirements of my job, being a husband and a father and everything else that seems so important that I begin to live out of a life of duty (I am not saying that being a husband and father is not wonderful for it is) and forget the great romance that God has called me (and you) up into. I forget that we were born for paradise and not this world as it is now we now. That God cares about whats on my heart, that I need to care about whats on my heart even if it means that some task does not get done. I forget that God has called me (and you) to play an important part in his story. Not the main part for that is his role but an important part none the less. I urge you this morning to take some time out and remember what is true about your life today. That God has redeemed our wicked heart and replaced it with a heart that is good and true(the new covenant), that our life is a romance and adventure with God as the hero of the story and that life is not about tips and techniques or sin management but of walking with God as a friend and allie. That is what is true. That is what must be remembered.

Tom

On Rock Climbing and Life

Recently I got to take part in an Outward Bound program and it was an awesome experience. From hiking to climbing to a night spent alone in the wilderness it was an amazing time of self discovery and personal reflection. Probably the most impactful time for me was rock climbing on Saturday. To tell the truth I was dreading the climb. I had never climbed before and I was not sure that I could do it. I can hike for miles, I can sleep on the ground and repel down the side of a mountain but climb one? See the biggest fear that I have lived with is this " I don't have what it takes." When the chips are down I will fail. So as we prepared to climb I felt this dread growing within me. You can't beat the mountain, your not man enough. Before we climbed our instructors encouraged us to look at this experience beyond just climbing. "Use it as a mirror to look at how you deal with life." So skipping ahead several people went before me, some made it some did not. There were 3 routes that we were using and when it got to me I was sent to the hardest one. As soon as I started up I knew I was in trouble. I could not find the crooks and crevices that were needed to make my move. I finally got stuck and had to be lowered down. I was so angry and humiliated. I felt like that was the verdict on me. After a few minutes the instructor asked me if I wanted to try again on a different route. I almost did not do it. That voice was back reminding me of how I had failed the first time. I took a moment and thought about my options I could stop now and be done with it and feel like a loser for not even trying again, I could try and fail again or I could try it and succeed. I realized this was one of those moments in life that define what kind of person you are. I had to try again even if I failed I wanted to go out fighting not sitting back and watching. It reminded me of the quote from BRAVE HEART "Every man dies, not everyman truly lives." So I hooked into the belay line again and started up. This one started better for me. I made it through the first big transition where you go between to rocks and turn yourself to face the mountain. Then I got stuck. I could not find that one place to plant my foot. I tried several but kept slipping. I was again at that choice, stick with it or come down. It was here that God brought to mind how I live. Ofter I will try until I get to the really hard spot in life and then I stop. I look for the safest way or the one with the least obstacles. I don't stick with it when its really hard. I knew then I had to stay on the rock. I prayed to God and asked him into this situation, for strength and for courage to make myself move from the safe spot I was in to the exposed. Lesson number two. The lead instructor who was at the top saw that I was in trouble and so he climbed down to me. He was the holy spirit in all of this. I was not alone on that rock. Suddenly there was someone else to work with me. He could not climb it for me but he could offer encouragement and wisdom. We talked and I tried a couple of moves but was still stuck. I almost gave up then. I was tired, the weather was bad and I just wanted to be done. I could not see the top and I did not know where I was in relation to it. I almost quite but I did not and I am so glad. I made one more move and my foot found the spot. It's hard to explain but you know when you find the SPOT. Suddenly I could move forward and I did. I made it to the top and almost cried as I did. I had faced my fear and hung in there. Here is what I learned. 1. Stick with it. Don't give up. That final move was the hardest on the climb. After that it was smooth sailing or climbing. 2. I could not do it alone. Just like in life, we need other to help us through the rough spots. To often I refuse to ask for help out of pride and fear that I will look weak. If I had refused help here I would have failed. Lastly the reward out ways the pain. The feeling of pulling myself over the top of the mountain is one I will never forget. The pain and fear that had been holding me back washed away in the joy of triumph. I know I can do it. I have what it takes in whatever situation God puts me in. I may not get it on the first try but I will hang in and try again. Don't let your fear of failure out way the reward of following God and climbing the mountains in your life. The view from the top is awesome.

Tom

Hiking Table Rock Mountain with Outward Bound.

Me enjoying a day of hiking durring an Outward Bound trip.




Hiking Table Rock Mountain

Me on top of table Rock mountain in North Carolina.

Repentence

So much has happened since I first started sharing my thoughts here. There has been Joy, sorrow and a lot of questions. Some of the time has seemed very dark and very bleak. However I still press on. Right now a lot of things are going on and life seems quite complicated. So I took some time last week to get away for a half a day of hiking and seeking to spend time with God. As I hiked and prayed to God he showed me how I have been living to play it safe and to avoid the hard issues in life. A lot of what I have experienced over the last couple of years has come from the fact that I did not want to risk. I wanted God to do the hard work for me and lay it all out. Out of that came a loss of hope, since God did not give to me what Iwanted what hope did I have. I believed the lies of Satan that God had abandoned me, that I was on my own and worst of all that I had no hope. As soon as you give up hope you have nothing. Take away a persons hope and you kill their heart. So I sat down on top of the mountain and I repented. I repented of unbelief, of fear, of hopelessness, of playing it safe rather than stepping out and risking. I then renounced the lies I had made agreements with and the foothold it gave to the enemy of my soul. So what happened next? Well let me tell you. The pressure has stepped up. The are major health issues facing me and my family, our finances are stretched to the limit but I have hope. God is showing up in the midst of these storms. God has rekindled my desire to minister to others and share my journey. In the midst of all of this I am certain that God is with me. I am not alone and neither is my family. We have not been abandoned, we are surrounded by God and his great and merciful love for us. I will not back down, I will move forward. Be it a small step or giant leap I will follow Christ where ever he leads. I pray the same for each of you!

Tom

This Day!

In the past I have seen failure.
Not this day!

In the past fear has kept me in bondage
Not this day!

In the past I have played it safe
Not this day!

This day I will succeed!
This day I will live with courage!
This day I will risk it all for victory!

This day is all I have
The past behind me
The future before me
I hold today in my hands!

This day I chose Love
This day I chose Hope
This day I chose LIFE!

THIS DAY!
THIS DAY!
THIS DAY!


It can be so easy to live in the past or worry about the future that we miss the gift that today is. We can not go back to what is behind us but we can move forward. We can take today for the gift that it is. Today we have the opportunity to start over. To love where we have held back. To risk where we have played it safe. To engage and not hide. To let the glory that is in our hearts out so that we can be a light for others. I pray that you will use this day for all that you can. That you will allow God to use you this day to reach a broken and dieing world. This Day is the Day!

Tom

Being Intentional

For the past year I have been in counseling trying to work through some areas of my life that have held me back for a long time. It has been a really tough year. At times it has seemed like I was really moving forward and other times it seamed no progress had been made at all. Although the holidays are a great time they also tend to bring up a lot of the pain and hurt that are in your life. As I was meeting with my counselor Mike and going over a list of things that I am still struggling to get a hold of, at the end it really came down to being intentional about moving forward. This does not mean I minimize the issues or ignore them but I do have a choice to stay in the same place and lament my life or I can ruthlessly pursue wholeness and move forward. Now a lot of you your probably going " well duh" and it's not the first time I have been told that either but this time it seemed to click. Yes I have some deep hurts in my life that I need God to heal and he is but I am part of the process to. The neat thing is is that God respects me enough that he allows me to take part in the process of healing. There are things I can do each day that will draw me closer to the healing that God has for me. So what does it mean to be intentional? It means taking the steps that are needed to grow and to remove the crutches and distractions that allow me to ignore the pain. You see the way to healing involves going through the pain and not around it. It means that I don't use food, TV, music or any other thing to deaden the pain or make me forget it. I leave myself no escape from it and allow God to walk with me through the pain. If I am rambling please forgive me but since I don't know who will read this I want to make sure that this gets out. The second thing I know is that I can not do this alone. It is so tempting sometimes to want to hide the pain from others but that just makes it worse. I must and so must you allow others into your life, your pain and into your struggles. It is in a fellowship of committed friends and family that God loves to work. So for all of you who are in a place of pain or just feeling dead to your heart I want to encourage you to move towards God today, stop running from the pain and face it head on. Get a councilor who can help you understand what going on and then embrace life again. That my goal and I will finish this race. For myself, my family and the fellowship of friends that are walking with me through this. More to come.
Tom