The Sun and the Moon

We are studying the old testament in my men's group which is called the Training Table. At first I must admit I was not so excited about the study. However God reveled to me that I have really taken His word for granted. I love to read books about Him and learn about Him but when it came to loving the Bible I did not. It was for me just another book to learn about God. How wrong of me to believe that. This is Gods given testament of His fierce love for us and how He literally went to Hell and back to save us.

 Today we began our study of creation. God is an artist and the work of creation is the greatest work of art ever done. The mountains and the seas, the beauty of nature and the complexity of it all. There are so many similarities in creation but then each one has so many things that set it apart from all other creations. I could go on about this for so long but I digress. Our reading for today was Genesis 1-2:3. What God spoke to me about today came out of verses 1:14-18 where God creates the sun and the moon. He has already created light (because He is the light) on day one now on day 4 he now creates the “two great lights” to bring order to this world. So I started thinking about the sun and moon. The sun is essential to life here on earth. Without the sun life would not exist. It’s energy provides the earth with the things that it needs to sustain life. Isn’t that Just like Christ. Without Christ we have no life. When I try to live without Christ in my life, while I may be breathing I certainly have no Life. I can offer nothing to my wife and Kids or the world. Without the light of the Son there is no life. 

Next I started thinking about the moon. The moon gives light to the darkness but only by reflecting the light of the sun. That's us right there! We are to be the "moons" that God uses to give light to the darkness but we can not do that without having the light of the Son to reflect. For those of us who follow Christ we must stay close to Him so that we reflect His love to others in a world that is filled with so much darkness. 

The other thing I notice about the moon is that just like the moon goes through phases so do I. When I am close to God I am in a full moon state best able to reflect the most light outward to others. Unfortunately other times I am less than that and just like the moon during its cycle the further I am away from the Son the less light I reflect. I pray for myself and for all of us that today as we go about our day we would be reminded of the Son. That we would stay close to Him so that we may reflect his love and shine like a full moon to bring His light to the darkness that surrounds so much of the world.

What value do I have?

 I had my third back surgery last Tuesday the 17th and now I am at home recovering.  When you have back surgery you come home with a very long list of things you cant do (which is about anything).  So for the past week I have had to rely on Jody and the kids to do almost everything around the house and for me.   As I have laid around and basically been useless I come face to face with the question of where do I get my validation or worth from.  I have realized that I get a lot of my sense of worth from my performance because as I laid in bed or on the couch I began to feel very useless.  When I felt I had nothing to offer Jody I saw myself as having no worth, I was simply another burden for Jody to bear.  Which brings me back to the whole grace thing.   Just when I think I am getting it I see that I have so far to go.  The truth is even at my best what I have to offer is not enough.  None of us can perform our way into salvation, it is only through the grace of God and the works of Jesus that I am saved and my worth comes from Him.  I have value (and so do you) because God says I have value.  God so valued us that He became man and died and rose for our sins.  So as I continue to recover my goal is to allow myself to heal and not try to think of ways to make me appear worthy.   That's not to say that I don't want to help out when I can, I just want to do it from a desire to ease Jody's load not to prove I have value.  I hope you realize just how valuable you are too.

Finding the trail.

Well I'm home from the hospital, the surgery went well and I should feel better in a few weeks.  People have been really good to us.  We have meals being brought to us, people are calling, texting and emailing me to check see how things are going.  God has been very faithful to us.  For a long time, I lost the trail on my journey and was wandering in the woods all alone.  As I begin my recovery my first task is to find the trailhead.  I want to reestablish my connection with God and what He has for me.  I want to look back at the story of my life and see it through Gods eyes and understand where he was during the times I felt so alone.    God is using the wreck as a way to show me His faithfulness.  From the very fact that I was not hurt worse in the accident to the blessing of getting a newer car and just the way people have surrounded us with love.  I thank you God for your faithfulness to me even when I was angry at you.

When God puts you in timeout

I was rear ended the day before thanksgiving.  Traffic was stopped on the interstate and the man comming up behind me in traffic did not realize it.  He was doing 50 mph when he hit the back of my car totaling it.  In the process it also ruptured a disk in my back and I will have surgery on Tuesday the 18th.  I will be out of work for 4 to 6 weeks at home recovering my health and I pray a deeper part of my heart.  While I believe God did not cause the accident I do believe he has taken this oppertunity to put me in "time out"  So now I have a choice, I can stay home and check out of life, distract myself with TV, the Wii or other thing or I can pursue God and what he has for me.  Like all of us I have areas in my life that I have chosen (out of fear and doubt in Gods heart towards me) hold back from Him.  I pray that I will take this time he has given to me and seek Him and allow Him to heal and restore me fully into the man He created me to be. 

Abide in Me

The battle has been fierce here the last week. I have not fought well for my heart or for my family. I once again slipped into that frame of mind that seems to believe that what I say or do or where I take my heart does not really matter. What a dangerous belief that is. When I take my self away from God and do not abide in Christ then I lose that connection with God. I lose the protection of God. Its not that God is punishing me for this, its simply that if I do not abide in him than that is the reality I will live in. Remove yourself from intimacy with God and you lose all the wonderful parts of that intimacy. It’s not even about committing some major sin it was simply choosing to live without holding onto my relationship with Christ as the most important thing of all. It can be the desire to just want an easy life and so you back away from engaging in areas that you know will be hard or that will cause disruption. It comes down to abiding in Christ with my whole heart, not just parts of my heart. So what has been the result of this? Sickness has taken hold of our family that trips to the Dr and medicine just don’t seem to be working against. Vehicles suddenly need expensive repairs when there is no money. Stress kicks in because all of the sudden it seems that it all depends on me to make life work. Now please hear me when I say I do not believe everything bad that happens is from the devil. We get sick, cars break, finances are tight sometimes because of bad choices or the fact that we live in an imperfect world. However as I was praying this morning God showed me how I had been living and simply said that this is life apart from God. That some of what we are going through is a direct result of not abiding in Christ of not fighting with my whole heart. The life of a follower of Christ is not one that can be picked up and laid down when we feel like it. Jesus said that He came that “we may have life and have it to the full” but before that he said “the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy.” Our Enemy is always on the prowl seeking to steal the life that God desires for us and if we chose to walk in a way that is separate from God we open ourselves up to that attack. It would be like going into combat with out your weapon or your body armor. You would be an easy target and get taken out quickly. So today I repent of my desire to live how I want to live, of seeking a safe and neat life. Today I pick up my sword and I recommit myself to Gods desire for my life, to live in His way not my own, and to abide in Him in all things. I pray that this would be true for each of you today as well. Seek Christ as your source of life, let him be your life and your protection today.

How I Forget

Over the holiday I received an early Christmas gift a new I pod. As I have played with it and learned how it works I have discovered the world of podcasting. Ransomed Heart now has podcasting available and they have placed a lot of good material there. I was listening this morning to the Sacred Romance conference that they did back in 02 and I was shocked at how much I have forgotten and forget on a daily basis. I get so caught up in the requirements of my job, being a husband and a father and everything else that seems so important that I begin to live out of a life of duty (I am not saying that being a husband and father is not wonderful for it is) and forget the great romance that God has called me (and you) up into. I forget that we were born for paradise and not this world as it is now we now. That God cares about whats on my heart, that I need to care about whats on my heart even if it means that some task does not get done. I forget that God has called me (and you) to play an important part in his story. Not the main part for that is his role but an important part none the less. I urge you this morning to take some time out and remember what is true about your life today. That God has redeemed our wicked heart and replaced it with a heart that is good and true(the new covenant), that our life is a romance and adventure with God as the hero of the story and that life is not about tips and techniques or sin management but of walking with God as a friend and allie. That is what is true. That is what must be remembered.

Tom

On Rock Climbing and Life

Recently I got to take part in an Outward Bound program and it was an awesome experience. From hiking to climbing to a night spent alone in the wilderness it was an amazing time of self discovery and personal reflection. Probably the most impactful time for me was rock climbing on Saturday. To tell the truth I was dreading the climb. I had never climbed before and I was not sure that I could do it. I can hike for miles, I can sleep on the ground and repel down the side of a mountain but climb one? See the biggest fear that I have lived with is this " I don't have what it takes." When the chips are down I will fail. So as we prepared to climb I felt this dread growing within me. You can't beat the mountain, your not man enough. Before we climbed our instructors encouraged us to look at this experience beyond just climbing. "Use it as a mirror to look at how you deal with life." So skipping ahead several people went before me, some made it some did not. There were 3 routes that we were using and when it got to me I was sent to the hardest one. As soon as I started up I knew I was in trouble. I could not find the crooks and crevices that were needed to make my move. I finally got stuck and had to be lowered down. I was so angry and humiliated. I felt like that was the verdict on me. After a few minutes the instructor asked me if I wanted to try again on a different route. I almost did not do it. That voice was back reminding me of how I had failed the first time. I took a moment and thought about my options I could stop now and be done with it and feel like a loser for not even trying again, I could try and fail again or I could try it and succeed. I realized this was one of those moments in life that define what kind of person you are. I had to try again even if I failed I wanted to go out fighting not sitting back and watching. It reminded me of the quote from BRAVE HEART "Every man dies, not everyman truly lives." So I hooked into the belay line again and started up. This one started better for me. I made it through the first big transition where you go between to rocks and turn yourself to face the mountain. Then I got stuck. I could not find that one place to plant my foot. I tried several but kept slipping. I was again at that choice, stick with it or come down. It was here that God brought to mind how I live. Ofter I will try until I get to the really hard spot in life and then I stop. I look for the safest way or the one with the least obstacles. I don't stick with it when its really hard. I knew then I had to stay on the rock. I prayed to God and asked him into this situation, for strength and for courage to make myself move from the safe spot I was in to the exposed. Lesson number two. The lead instructor who was at the top saw that I was in trouble and so he climbed down to me. He was the holy spirit in all of this. I was not alone on that rock. Suddenly there was someone else to work with me. He could not climb it for me but he could offer encouragement and wisdom. We talked and I tried a couple of moves but was still stuck. I almost gave up then. I was tired, the weather was bad and I just wanted to be done. I could not see the top and I did not know where I was in relation to it. I almost quite but I did not and I am so glad. I made one more move and my foot found the spot. It's hard to explain but you know when you find the SPOT. Suddenly I could move forward and I did. I made it to the top and almost cried as I did. I had faced my fear and hung in there. Here is what I learned. 1. Stick with it. Don't give up. That final move was the hardest on the climb. After that it was smooth sailing or climbing. 2. I could not do it alone. Just like in life, we need other to help us through the rough spots. To often I refuse to ask for help out of pride and fear that I will look weak. If I had refused help here I would have failed. Lastly the reward out ways the pain. The feeling of pulling myself over the top of the mountain is one I will never forget. The pain and fear that had been holding me back washed away in the joy of triumph. I know I can do it. I have what it takes in whatever situation God puts me in. I may not get it on the first try but I will hang in and try again. Don't let your fear of failure out way the reward of following God and climbing the mountains in your life. The view from the top is awesome.

Tom

Hiking Table Rock Mountain with Outward Bound.

Me enjoying a day of hiking durring an Outward Bound trip.




Hiking Table Rock Mountain

Me on top of table Rock mountain in North Carolina.

Repentence

So much has happened since I first started sharing my thoughts here. There has been Joy, sorrow and a lot of questions. Some of the time has seemed very dark and very bleak. However I still press on. Right now a lot of things are going on and life seems quite complicated. So I took some time last week to get away for a half a day of hiking and seeking to spend time with God. As I hiked and prayed to God he showed me how I have been living to play it safe and to avoid the hard issues in life. A lot of what I have experienced over the last couple of years has come from the fact that I did not want to risk. I wanted God to do the hard work for me and lay it all out. Out of that came a loss of hope, since God did not give to me what Iwanted what hope did I have. I believed the lies of Satan that God had abandoned me, that I was on my own and worst of all that I had no hope. As soon as you give up hope you have nothing. Take away a persons hope and you kill their heart. So I sat down on top of the mountain and I repented. I repented of unbelief, of fear, of hopelessness, of playing it safe rather than stepping out and risking. I then renounced the lies I had made agreements with and the foothold it gave to the enemy of my soul. So what happened next? Well let me tell you. The pressure has stepped up. The are major health issues facing me and my family, our finances are stretched to the limit but I have hope. God is showing up in the midst of these storms. God has rekindled my desire to minister to others and share my journey. In the midst of all of this I am certain that God is with me. I am not alone and neither is my family. We have not been abandoned, we are surrounded by God and his great and merciful love for us. I will not back down, I will move forward. Be it a small step or giant leap I will follow Christ where ever he leads. I pray the same for each of you!

Tom

This Day!

In the past I have seen failure.
Not this day!

In the past fear has kept me in bondage
Not this day!

In the past I have played it safe
Not this day!

This day I will succeed!
This day I will live with courage!
This day I will risk it all for victory!

This day is all I have
The past behind me
The future before me
I hold today in my hands!

This day I chose Love
This day I chose Hope
This day I chose LIFE!

THIS DAY!
THIS DAY!
THIS DAY!


It can be so easy to live in the past or worry about the future that we miss the gift that today is. We can not go back to what is behind us but we can move forward. We can take today for the gift that it is. Today we have the opportunity to start over. To love where we have held back. To risk where we have played it safe. To engage and not hide. To let the glory that is in our hearts out so that we can be a light for others. I pray that you will use this day for all that you can. That you will allow God to use you this day to reach a broken and dieing world. This Day is the Day!

Tom

Being Intentional

For the past year I have been in counseling trying to work through some areas of my life that have held me back for a long time. It has been a really tough year. At times it has seemed like I was really moving forward and other times it seamed no progress had been made at all. Although the holidays are a great time they also tend to bring up a lot of the pain and hurt that are in your life. As I was meeting with my counselor Mike and going over a list of things that I am still struggling to get a hold of, at the end it really came down to being intentional about moving forward. This does not mean I minimize the issues or ignore them but I do have a choice to stay in the same place and lament my life or I can ruthlessly pursue wholeness and move forward. Now a lot of you your probably going " well duh" and it's not the first time I have been told that either but this time it seemed to click. Yes I have some deep hurts in my life that I need God to heal and he is but I am part of the process to. The neat thing is is that God respects me enough that he allows me to take part in the process of healing. There are things I can do each day that will draw me closer to the healing that God has for me. So what does it mean to be intentional? It means taking the steps that are needed to grow and to remove the crutches and distractions that allow me to ignore the pain. You see the way to healing involves going through the pain and not around it. It means that I don't use food, TV, music or any other thing to deaden the pain or make me forget it. I leave myself no escape from it and allow God to walk with me through the pain. If I am rambling please forgive me but since I don't know who will read this I want to make sure that this gets out. The second thing I know is that I can not do this alone. It is so tempting sometimes to want to hide the pain from others but that just makes it worse. I must and so must you allow others into your life, your pain and into your struggles. It is in a fellowship of committed friends and family that God loves to work. So for all of you who are in a place of pain or just feeling dead to your heart I want to encourage you to move towards God today, stop running from the pain and face it head on. Get a councilor who can help you understand what going on and then embrace life again. That my goal and I will finish this race. For myself, my family and the fellowship of friends that are walking with me through this. More to come.
Tom

Call of the Soul

It feels like forever since I have last posted here, to long ago to suit me. So where are you at right now. What do you find your heart yearning for right now? Me I feel a longing to be connected. To you all, to Jody (my wife) and most of all to be connected in a deeply intimate way with Christ. I know that connection is not what it should be right now, but I am comforted by the fact that the desire is there to engage and not pull back. I got out the work book for the Sacred Romance (John Eldredge and Brent Curtis), because I feel I have forgotten what the romance is. How it calls to us, how it wants to draw us into something deeper. So I hope that as you read this you will allow the romance to call you back to your deep and true heart. Let is call you and draw you back to the places where your heart once communed with God in deep and soulful ways. It is there we must remember and let God call to us as the lover of our souls.

When the Silence is Deafening

Sometimes it seams that God has left you high and dry just when you need him. As I have walked with Him these last few weeks I have longed to know that He is proud of me. Just as we all long to hear from our earthly fathers that they delight in us and are proud of who we are and who we are becoming, I have longed to hear that same affirmation from my heavenly father. I have prayed to him that He would let me know that I am on the right track. That although I often fall short He is still glad that I am his and that he delights in my presence. What I have heard back is a deafening silence. To be honest I don't understand it. As I watch my children and see how they long to know I delight in them I try to affirm that delight each day. So why doesn't God answer me? It really came to a head this weekend when after praying again for some small sign from him of His love I go out to my car and find that mysteriously overnight several random things have broken. I lost it at that point and I got really angry at God. Much like a child who rages at his parents who do not acknowledge him. I could not pray, I felt completely dead inside. I did not know what to do at this point so I sent a desperate email to some people in my life whom I have come to trust. Some called me others emailed me back all acknowledging my question and many sharing that they to have felt that same abandonment at one time or another in there walk. Jody (my wife) was gracious and kind as I struggled through this and simply listened to my out pouring of anger. Today as I set through church and heard how God cares and will rescue us I was left with more questions. As the day progressed and I talked to Jody and my friends I felt the anger begin to break up and drift away like fog in the early morning. As I sit down to type this out I am still left with the question of why God is silent, but I am filled with a sense of peace that its ok. If I am willing to accept all that is good from God then I must be willing to accept that which I do not understand. So I will continue to pray that God will answer my questions with His love and I will hold onto the knowledge that I am surrounded by many people who love me and stand with me in this time of questioning. If you find yourself in this place now know that you are not alone and I pray that you to would be surrounded by those who have walked this path already and in their love you would see the love of God.

Tom

The Power of Worship

I have been in a difficult place this last week. I have felt detached from life really. No desire to connect with anyone on a deeper level. Seeking comfort from things to avoid the uncomfortable places I need to address in my heart. As I was talking with Jody tonight she asked "When was the last time you truly worshiped?" I could not answer her question. I can think of a few times in my life when I really connected and truly worshiped. Jody gave me the space to get out some music and spend some time worshiping. It ended up being about 45 minutes. During that time I took the focus off of me and put it where it belonged and it was so freeing. Did it solve my problems and answer all of my questions? No but it did remind me that I am not alone. I have a savior, a Daddy that loves me more deeply than I know and that no matter where I am on my journey He is with me. He will walk with me into the uncomfortable and the painful places in my life. So tonight let me encourage you as my wife encouraged me, Go worship. It may take some time to get into it but offer your heart to God and let him remind you of who he is.

The Long Road Home

This journey that we call life is not really a journey to some new and distant place but a journey to our true home. For most of us it is a journey to a home we have never seen but only glimpse in the special moments of life that take your breath away. Often this long road home seems like an empty road that we trudge down with only a vague idea of where we are going. I have felt that way recently. Like I am stuck in this rut that I cant get out of. Where is the joy that I once had, the excitement of the journey. I feel cut off from my fellow travelers even those closet to me. Sometimes the journey is one that is filled with pain. Pain of lost dreams, or broken hearts. Perhaps those on this journey have hurt you along the way or maybe you have hurt others. There is so much that could be said about it but we each have our own tale to tell. The thought on my heart right now is that no matter where I am on this road, I am on my way back to my true home. To the place where all I am meant to be is realized. Where I can once and for all lay down the burdens that I have carried. With each step I grow closer to that place and one day I will round the bend and see my Daddy there running towards me to take me in his arms and welcome me back. In that moment all my fears, my doubts and the wounds I have taken will be forgotten and I will be home. So for today that is what I hold onto in the midst of this long journey my Daddy is watching for me and ready to welcome me home. What a glorious reunion that will be!

Learning to hear the truth

Learning to hear the truth? What does that mean you may be asking yourself. I am learning in my journey that over the course of my life I have believed things about myself that are not true. However I have taken them to heart and believed them so long that they seem so true to me. As I journey on the road to healing in these places I am coming to realize that I must learn to hear the truth. Just like a composer or a conductor must train their ear to hear the different notes and instruments in a piece of music I must learn to pick out what is true about my life even when the lies seem so much louder and truer. Just like the conductor of a symphony can hear a note and recognize it I must learn to hear the truth in my life and hold onto it. I must learn to distinguish the truth from a lie and hear the melody of truth in the song of my life. Where are you at right now. Can you hear the truth or like me have you been hearing only the lies. I pray that you will learn to hear the truth and take it to your heart.