Sometimes it seams that God has left you high and dry just when you need him. As I have walked with Him these last few weeks I have longed to know that He is proud of me. Just as we all long to hear from our earthly fathers that they delight in us and are proud of who we are and who we are becoming, I have longed to hear that same affirmation from my heavenly father. I have prayed to him that He would let me know that I am on the right track. That although I often fall short He is still glad that I am his and that he delights in my presence. What I have heard back is a deafening silence. To be honest I don't understand it. As I watch my children and see how they long to know I delight in them I try to affirm that delight each day. So why doesn't God answer me? It really came to a head this weekend when after praying again for some small sign from him of His love I go out to my car and find that mysteriously overnight several random things have broken. I lost it at that point and I got really angry at God. Much like a child who rages at his parents who do not acknowledge him. I could not pray, I felt completely dead inside. I did not know what to do at this point so I sent a desperate email to some people in my life whom I have come to trust. Some called me others emailed me back all acknowledging my question and many sharing that they to have felt that same abandonment at one time or another in there walk. Jody (my wife) was gracious and kind as I struggled through this and simply listened to my out pouring of anger. Today as I set through church and heard how God cares and will rescue us I was left with more questions. As the day progressed and I talked to Jody and my friends I felt the anger begin to break up and drift away like fog in the early morning. As I sit down to type this out I am still left with the question of why God is silent, but I am filled with a sense of peace that its ok. If I am willing to accept all that is good from God then I must be willing to accept that which I do not understand. So I will continue to pray that God will answer my questions with His love and I will hold onto the knowledge that I am surrounded by many people who love me and stand with me in this time of questioning. If you find yourself in this place now know that you are not alone and I pray that you to would be surrounded by those who have walked this path already and in their love you would see the love of God.
Tom
